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The Power to Change Your Life
August/September 2003
Earl Weaver, legendary manager for the Baltimore Orioles, was notorious for his subtle, yet poignant antics with the home plate umpire. If Earl was overly dissatisfied with the umpire’s call he would rush the plate, stand just inches from the umpires face and say, “So, are you gonna get any better, or is this it?” What a great question! Are you and I gonna get any better or is this it?
Well, most people think they are changing and getting better. Yet, my anecdotal research tells me that 100% of the population instinctively resists personal change. My research also shows that the majority of the population thinks that it would be a great idea if a few significant people around them would change. We often gage our perception of personal change in comparison to what we see changing in others. Unfortunately, this comparison is delusionary. Why? Because we judge others by their actions. Yet, we judge ourselves by our intentions and our intentions are always good. Therefore, the first step to personal change is getting beyond the delusion and seeing the truth.
Here are a few questions that might guide you to the truth: How have you changed lately? In the last week let’s say? Last month? Can you be very specific or incredibly vague? You say you’re growing, okay, how? You say, “In all kinds of ways,” GREAT, name one.
You might be saying to yourself, “Okay, I realize that I haven’t changed that much, but why do I need to change?” Why? Because change is growth. You see, we can grow without changing, but we most certainly can not change without growing. If we are truly honest, most of us would agree that change would benefit many aspects of our lives. Significant, strategic change would fortify our character, make our relationships stronger, build our self-esteem and increase our opportunities for success. There are five (5) strategies that give us the power to change our lives.
Strategy #1: Change Your Thoughts Scientists say that a thought is simply a billionth of a volt of electricity. It is two neurons chemically connecting in the brain. Yet, it is this tiny spark that begins to shape our destiny. Unfortunately, scientists also say that 90% of our thoughts are negative. Now do you see why it is so difficult to change? Reprogramming thoughts is necessary for change to be successful. Dale Carnegie was asked during a radio interview to express in three sentences the most important lesson he has ever learned. His reply, “That’s easy. The most important lesion I have ever learned, is the stupendous importance of what we think. If I know what you think, I would know what you are, for your thoughts make you what you are. By changing our thoughts, we change our lives.” I couldn’t agree more. One of my favorite Biblical passages says, “I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst, the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.”
We reprogram the mind first by capturing our first thoughts and secondly by speaking words that create new thoughts. Here’s how it works. First, a thought is sparked in the brain. We can not control the thought, we just think it. Next, we capture that thought and judge it with questions like, “Will this thought help me grow?” “Will this thought serve my client?” etc. Once captured, the thought can be replaced by positive words that direct new, creative thoughts that we design ourselves. For example, a client walks into my office and says, “You never return my calls! That’s not very professional!” I don’t know about you, but the first thought sparking in my mind is, “This woman is an idiot!” Well, let’s judge it. Is that thought going to help me grow, help my client, make me money today? No! So, I have to replace it with scripts that I speak in my head in order to create a new thought. So, I say to myself, “I am a professional. I am a problem solver. This woman has a problem and I’m just the person to help her solve it.” See how you’ve grown!
Strategy #2: Change Your Beliefs Bill McGrane, founder of the Self-Esteem Institute said, “What the mind attends to, the mind considers. What the mind does not consider, the mind dismisses. What the mind continually considers, the mind believes. And, what the mind believes, the mind eventually does.” So true! Thinking right creates right beliefs. We have to believe it is necessary to change and possible to change. These fundamental beliefs fuel our desire to grow and foster a hunger for personal development and growth. The first foundational belief we must change is our denial regarding our need to change. If we don’t admit we need to change we stunt the growing process. Just ask any recovering addict. Effective change can not occur without this admission. Secondly, we can’t talk ourselves into believing that change is impossible. Let me tell you what is impossible -- It is impossible to dribble a football. It is impossible to twirl a baton in a mobile home. But, it is not impossible to change. Yet, multitudes of people don’t believe rightly. Remember the disgruntled client in my office. It might be tempting to think, “Hey, I don’t have to change. She’s the one that needs to change. She’s got an attitude problem. I’m not putting up with this. And by the way, it’s impossible for me to be nice, and professional when she is acting like such a jerk.” Contrary to popular belief we are not what we eat. We are what you believe.
Strategy #3: Change Your Expectations Where would our world be without positive expectancy? Columbus was heralded a crazy lunatic because he believed that the world was round. Yet, because of his new vision and expectancy we now enjoy the beauty of the Americas. Henry Ford was told his invention of the Model T would never work and yet you probably drove to work today in a modern day replica of his invention. Positive belief and expectancy go hand in hand. The problem with a lot of people today is their EXPECTER has EXPIRED. But the truth is that we will all be the same tomorrow as we are today if we refuse to change our expectations. What do we expect from ourselves? Do we expect success or failure? Increase or decrease? Greatness or mediocrity? What do I expect when the upset client walks in and starts yelling? Do I expect an argument or an agreement? Notice that successful change begins with focusing on our expectations of ourselves and not on our expectations of others. Of course we would expect the irate customer to settle down. But we’re not in control of her response or irrational behavior. The growing person responds by expecting things to work out for the better and to use this opportunity to build a strong bond with their client. Don’t you know that people prefer to do business, not with companies that never have problems but rather, with organizations that fix problems successfully. Change your expectations of yourself and you’ll see the relationship grow.
Strategy #4: Change Your Attitude How critical is attitude in the growth and change process? It’s everything! W. Clement Stone said, “There is very little difference in people. But that little makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is wither it is positive or negative.” There are so many sour pusses in our world today. So many Nay Sayers and pessimists who tell us we’ll never make it. Well, there is old Greek word for that kind of thinking; Bologna! A positive attitude paves the way to successful life change. Now, I don’t believe we can do anything just because we have a positive attitude. That’s ridiculous! But I do believe we can do anything better, handle situations better, and solve problems better when we have a positive attitude instead of a negative one. Let’s reflect back on our frustrated client. It might be common to feel negatively about her complaints. Yet, do you know that 94% of dissatisfied customers will take their business somewhere else and never tell you why. That means that only 6% will tell us how they truly feel in hopes that we resolve the problem. Now, why should I be negative toward one of the 6% who cares enough to voice her honest opinion instead of kicking me to the curb? That just doesn’t make sense. Maybe, I should take a “thankful” attitude and appreciate her honesty. The thankful attitude will foster patience, understanding, and acceptance – all the things that relationships need to grow enduringly strong. There is no doubt that it takes a growing, changing, developing person to do that!
Strategy #5: Change Your Behavior Behavior is defined as what I say and how I say it. What I do and how I do it. Conversely, what I don’t say and how I don’t say it. And, what I don’t do and how I don’t do it. Therefore, we behave every minute of every hour of every day. It is our behavior that others see and hear and determine who we are and what we are all about. The biggest lie we can believe is that just because we have behaved poorly in the past does not mean we will behave poorly in the future. That belief is self debilitating and defeating. I can personally attest to the pain and disappoint that follow when my behaviors have been inappropriate and sub par. So, if we are to experience successful change we can not connect our past behavior with our present behavior. Remember my disturbed client? In the past I might have reacted in a knee-jerk fashion and began slinging obscenities back her way. But, because I have negotiated my thoughts, beliefs, expectations and attitude I can now respond with words and actions that serve my clients needs and repair the relationship. Our behavior determines our reputation. Constant and consistently positive behaviors can change the same.
Now you have the tools to change your life. So, are you gonna get any better, or is this it? - CM
Final Thought: “When change is successful, we look back and call it growth.” John Maxwell
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MS, CSP. All rights reserved
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