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Giving is the Highest Level of Living
July 2002
It was a beautiful, fall afternoon. I was visiting my parent's farm in Grampian, Pennsylvania and decided to go for a walk in the woods. The gentle breeze was filled with smells of damp leaves and freshly mown grass. I walked through the woods on an old logging road that twisted its way toward my grandparents old home. I became weary and decided to sit beneath a beech tree and soak in the scenery. While reminiscing of hundreds of childhood hikes down that same path, I felt something crawling in my hair. I reached back and ran my fingers through my hair only to find that scourge to mankind, none other than a blood thirsty tick, now creeping on the back of my hand. I immediately flicked the tick onto the ground. Yuck! I hate ticks.
I'm sure most minds find little room for such contemplation; however, I thought for a moment, "Nobody likes ticks. I'm not the only one who hates ticks. EVERYBODY hates ticks." Think about it. Have you ever seen a bumper sticker that said, "Have you hugged your tick today" or "I love my tick," of course not. And then I realized why we all hate ticks so much. They TAKE. That's all they do. They attach themselves to living things and then they TAKE from them. I immediately thought of some HUMAN ticks. People with lives driven by what they can take in this life, instead of what they can give. I thought, "I don't want to be one of those human ticks. I want my life to be about giving, contributing, making a positive difference in the life of others." I agree with Danny Thomas who said, "Greatness in life is not determined by what you get in life, but rather by what you give."
You see, there are two bowls that we reach for in every situation of our lives: The bowl of consumption and the bowl of contribution. In other words, every circumstance dictates that we make a choice to take or give. When we reach into the consumption bowl too often we become tick-like. Conversely, when we reach for the contribution bowl more often we expand our abilities to give more to the world.
I believe when some people give to others they really aren't giving at all, they're simply trading. They give love to another, yet only to expect it in return. They give praise to another, expecting praise in return. This is not giving - this is trading. Exchanging one gift for another. Genuine giving is done without expecting anything in return. When we give out of sincere desire to contribute, we don't get what we gave back. What we receive, if we get anything at all, is a greater capacity to give. In other words, our contribution bowl gets bigger. When I give respect, I don't get respect in return. Rather, I receive a greater capacity to give respect. When I give love, I don't get love back. Rather, I am given a greater ability to love. The greatest teacher that ever lived said it best when He said, "It is more blessed to give, than it is to receive" He understood that giving is the highest level of living. Here are a few strategies to help us increase our giving capacity.
Give Compliments
Many people are insecure and we can give them confidence. We all have a deep felt need for acceptance and recognition. Dale Carnegie writes in his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, that we should compliment others within the first few moments of each encounter. This gesture communicates our desire to build the confidence and self-esteem of others. My mother used to say, "What have you done today, that makes somebody else want to see you tomorrow." Compliments make others want to see us tomorrow.
Give Encouragement
Many people are discouraged and we can give them hope. Think of how many times throughout your day you hear others gripe and whine about their state of affairs. These people need encouragement. We can offer this gift by smiling at a stranger or greeting someone in the hallway at work. Notice in the word "encouragement" that courage is in the middle. That's what others need - a little courage in the middle. They lack the inner courage to tackle life's challenges and overcome their obstacles. When we encourage others our courage is transferred to them.
Give Thanks
Many people feel unappreciated and we can thank them. There are manifold people around us who would benefit from some kind of recognition. I recommend you start with your family. I believe in "Thank You" notes. Why not write a note to your kids or your spouse for being there for you. Or pen your thanks to your boss for the privilege of employment. Or your friends who are there for you in a pinch. Or even, those who have made a difference in your life in the past. I believe we'll be suffering writer's cramps if we diligently add up all those who have reached into the contribution bowl on our behalf.
Give Love
Many people are hurting and we can love them. Love is the ultimate gift. Will Rogers said, "The Good Book says we should love our enemies; I think we should try it out on our neighbors and our friends." I agree. Loving means giving an ear to listen when others are talking. Loving means giving our time and availability with sacrifice. Loving means devoting ourselves to the wealth and advancement of others. Love conquers ALL. We must learn to say these two phrases more often in order to keep love alive: I'm sorry and I love you. Come to think of it, I can't think of a day that goes by that my wife Cindy doesn't say to me, "I'm sorry, I love you!"
So remember to reach more for the contribution bowl. It will pay you multiplied dividends beyond your wildest dreams. Live life at the highest level by giving to others. Then no one will ever call YOU a human tick. - CM
Final Thought: "Don't complain to others about your life. Did you know that 80% of the people you tell your problems to really DON'T CARE. And the other 20% are glad you've got'em." - CM
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