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Buttonless
September/October 2002
One of the greatest American pastimes is button pushing. Just sit back and watch us push and poke more than a hundred buttons a day. We can't escape it. Wither it's a cell phone, an elevator, a vending machine, or an ATM, we punch'em, mash'em, poke'em and push'em - Buttons that is. I believe that pushing buttons is one of our most satisfying tactile urges. Just watch a child exploring any gadget. If the object possesses a button they will wear it out in seconds. Let's face it; we have a lust for pushing buttons.
Why then is it so unsettling to us that others are constantly pushing our buttons. Buttons? What buttons? Surely I don't have any buttons to push? I can understand why you don't recognize any buttons. You see, most of us are blind to our buttons. But believe me others see them as clearly as the nose on our face. And you probably don't know this, but there is a big sign hanging over each of our buttons saying, "Push Here!" These buttons define our vulnerability, weakness and insecurity. And when others push our buttons and we react in an ill-tempered manner or demonstrate a lack of balance and control others flag those key buttons with additional signage; "Push Again," "Push Often,"and "Push, when you want to have some FUN!" These reactions foster the lust for button pushing in others and trigger in us our darkest, most villainous thoughts, feelings, and emotions thus creating unrest in our relationships, less than professional business practices, and ultimately a lack of passion and verve for living.
So what do we do about all this button pushing. I have an idea! What if we were buttonless? What if others perused our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual beings and couldn't find any buttons to push. Well, that wouldn't be any fun, FOR THEM! But it sure would contribute to our feelings of success and peace of mind. Wouldn't it be great to be BUTTONLESS? I'm far from achieving this goal, but since we're on this journey together let's explore a few strategies for reaching this destination.
Identify Your Buttons
The first step to becoming buttonless is to identify our buttons. Each of us must take an ingenuous look at those areas where we feel vulnerable and insecure. After examining these weak places in our armor, buttons become more apparent. One strategy for button identification is to look back at the last time you lost it. You know, blew a gasket or popped a piston. What was said? What did someone do? How did they do it? What was it that upset you? Maybe it was the insensitivity of another. If insensitivity pushes your buttons than prepare yourself to notice more and more people who are insensitive. Isn't it a little irrational to expect everyone to be sensitive to others? Even though people should be sensitive, the fact is that some are not. And if some are not and we let them push that button, they control us with their insensitivity. That's button pushing at its best and we've let it happen. Identify your buttons and then control your reaction so that you don't give up your control to others.
Permit Others to Push Your Buttons
Stopping others from pushing our buttons is an effort beyond our control. In fact, attempting to control others is a BIG button. When others sense we are trying to control them, they simply refuse to respond and when we react, guess who is really in control. Remember, that we are constantly teaching others how to treat us. I also know that others treat us the way that they see us. Therefore, if we don't like the way others treat us, we need to teach them a new way of treating us. So, another strategy to become buttonless is to permit others to push our buttons. Just because they're pushing doesn't mean we're going to react. In fact, each time others push our buttons and we don't react we convince (teach) them that we don't have any buttons to push. What they thought was a button doesn't have any impact on us. Then, they begin to see us as buttonless. Isn't that the goal?
Know When Your Buttons are Being Pushed
When we become aware that our buttons are being pushed it gives us an advantage to plan a reaction. Then we realize we are about to be manipulated. This strategy is called proactivity. Being proactive is Steven Covey's first habit of highly effective people. Proactive people are successful and fulfilled. They are not manipulated by their environment and the schemes of others. They are like weebles - they wobble but they don't fall down. When we identify others probing our buttons, it is our first level of defense to counter attack with little or no reaction. In other words, the best defense is a good offense. Neutral response or no response will earn us buttonless status most of the time with our button pushers.
Exercise Self-Control and Discipline in Every Situation
Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." In the same way, we give others the permission to make us feel mad, sad, hurt and angry. You want to know the truth? No one can "make" you anything without your permission. If we are mad, sad, scared or hurt it is by our own choosing. Realizing that each time we choose one of these poisonous emotions we target a button for others to push. Am I saying that a buttonless person never feels these emotions, NO. I'm simply saying that buttonless people don't blame others for feeling these emotions. They take ownership. When we allow others to make us feel these things we give them too much power and control over our lives. Buttons abound!
So the next time you pick up your cell phone or go to the ATM, think about buttons. Remember how much fun they are to push and don't forget that others just love to push yours. Follow these strategies and you too will be on your way to becoming BUTTONLESS
Final Thought: "Sacrifice is an ongoing process, not a one-time payment." - John Maxwell
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MS, CSP. All rights reserved
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